Dear Mom,

I know you are worried and sad. I know you want nothing more than to protect me and help me and take away my pain. I am your child, you gave me life and you wished with all your heart that it would be good and full and long and happy. Well, you have done your job well. Nothing you could have done would have changed my life from being what it is. Your dedication and love has made me the person I am today and I thank you for that with all my heart. This journey that I have to go through now is not meant to make your life harder. You dont have to take care of me even though I know you want to. You can let me flounder, let me struggle and know that I will be ok. I am only Lost right now but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I will find my way.

~el

paralyzing

Sometimes when I am trying to pack or move forward I get so scared and overwhelmed and I feel paralyzed. Today I actually had to stop and sit down on the stairs because I just couldn't take one more step. The feelings of sadness overwhelmed me, the stinging in my eyes took over and I just had to sit down and cry.

~el